Post Grad Problems | Taylor Swift Went At The King And Missed

Taylor Swift came out swinging Thursday night with “Look What You Made Me Do,” a boring attempt at a diss track aimed at Kanye West and Kim Kardashian. I hate that I just wrote that sentence. I want to cut all of the skin off my body, burn it and cleanse myself through the pain. Best case scenario, I mercilessly beat the song into my brain until I trick myself into liking it.

Taylor trying to go after Kim and Kanye is a bold move, but Taylor’s a bold chick. You don’t rise to “kweeeeeen” status through half measures and occasional top 50 tracks. She sits upon a throne made of platinum records. Her pedigree is unmatched. “1989” was a goddamn masterpiece (minus “Welcome To New York”, which caused more people to leave New York than move there), and “Shake It Off” is the best pop song in the last 20 years. Taylor didn’t trust her fastball and she hung a curve to Kanye. He’s about to come back twice as hard and ruthless. I expect a counter-attack by the end of the weekend, and I don’t expect it to be a proportional response.

All she had to do was make fun of Kim and Kanye for being shitty parents, Kim being a skank who ruined Kanye, Kim being a skank who made a sex tape with a C-list rapper, Kanye being a lunatic or just like 75% of the population despising them as a couple in general.

We had to suffer through Woke Katy Perry. Don’t make us suffer through Diss Track Taylor Swift. I miss the old Taylor, the old Taylor was just fine! She didn’t need to change anything! But I get it, your mid-20s is for discovering success and refining your talent. Your late 20s is for realizing that everyone wants to destroy you while trying to gain an inch in a meaningless race to the top. Maybe Taylor is just jaded like the rest of us.

However, fighting a war on two fronts — potentially three fronts if you count the scorched earth smear campaign Kris Jenner is about to launch — is foolish to the extreme. Fortunately for Taylor, Katy Perry is now so insignificant that she can be squashed like a bug in a matter of minutes. She’s already doing enough self-sabotage as it is. Her entire album is hot garbage and the video for “Swish Swish” gives Rebecca Black a run for her money.

The rest of the album better be absolute fire. Maybe she just needed to get this out of her system, because this song absolutely sucks. When you take an L like Taylor took an L last summer, you shut it down, spend time with your friends and only leave your apartment in a box (which is such a power move I can’t even stand it). Her BFFFEs, HAIM and Selena Gomez have both released bangers this year. HAIM’s new album is top notch and “Bad Liar” is a masterpiece on its own.

I have faith in Taylor Swift. She’s the biggest pop star in the world. Get back to business and just releasing heater after heater until November 10th..

Image via Press Line Photos / Shutterstock.com